Brogan and Shea join us for another glorious installation of the Shea in Irving Podcast. Since Burbank is on his way to meet some “yoga bitch,” they just jump right into headlines, kicking it off with the NCAA ruling that athletes get unlimited meals. Shea immediately gets pissed. Just the threat of a union is getting these kids the perks they’ve deserved for years, and everyone who thinks unions are useless or harmful in college sports is either getting paid by the universities, the NCAA or is fresh off a lobotomy. A word of warning, put your seatbelts on… because if you missed it, Shea gets pissed. The mood gets no perkier as Shea moves on to the ball boy “reporting” boxing, and Chad “Swag” Kelly, Jim Kelly’s nephew, getting kicked off the Clemson football team. We all take a journey to hell by listening to some of Swag’s rapping.
Burbank then decides to put his windows down and ruin the acoustics of the show while on his way to meet his latest victim, while future victim, since he has verbal confirmation that he will be able to engage in sexual intercourse with the yoga instructor. As Broganomic’s GPS decides to take a turn on the show, Shea turns to the 49ers latest, specifically Colin Kaepernick and the drunk, naked girl that claimed rape after getting kicked out of Colin’s buddy’s apartment; and of course Aldon Smith yelling bomb at the airport.
Shea kicks off the baseball banter with a little rant on the Rangers, which then abruptly ends any more discussion of baseball. Shea wants to talk boxing, but first he decides to finally talk about the NBA, even though it lives right behind snooker and women’s bass fishing on his priority list of sports. On the other hand, Burbank lives for the NBA, especially the Lakers. Before going through a few upcoming fights, Shea dips his toe back in to the baseball waters, but only to mention that Josh Hamilton is injured.
As the show wraps up, Shea comes back to the union issue, the vote at Northwestern is the 25th of this month, and the brotherhood is already getting beatdown by the head coach, the President of the School, the NCAA and the new QB – who, by the way, is the son of a plastic surgeon, so obviously thinks that he’s treated fine, since Daddy throws a few extra decimal points in his checking account every other week.
As Brogan pulls up to the slay the latest bird, Shea gave a shout to @hookemnwhodey for his Masters futures, which allowed Shea to finally pay 4-months of back rent.
Burbank is back for another midweek episode of The Shea in Irving podcast. Shea and Brogan catch each other up on what’s been going on the last week or so, Brogan is out trying to find a slumpbuster, preferably one that can put together one complete sentence, because two may be pushing it. Continue reading
Shea is back with Brogan, and they waste no time jumping right on into the deep end discussing drug addiction, society’s view on it, our government criminalizing it and the rehabilitation industry capitalizing on it. Shea talks about the podcast Shane Schleger’s article, Fifteen Years Smoking Crack, Life in the Middle Ground between Total Abstinence and Rock Bottom over at slate.com. Schleger asks the important question of whether everyone who uses, even abuses, drugs, must end up in rehab or in jail. Shea and Brogan undertake the task of providing us with some compelling commentary, some derived from personal experience.
The natural flow of the podcast takes us to Miguel Cabrera and his record setting contract, which takes us to baseball’s popularity or lack thereof. Moving right along the two briefly discuss John Football’s pro day, and Brogan walks himself right into Shea bringing up the Vince Young versus USC game.
The two of them spend the rest of the podcast going back and forth between whether Johnny Manziel will be a good pro, whether Shea wants him to be a good pro and the year the two of them let 25-50 live chickens loose at a huge annual street festival in St. Paul. Some of us were lucky enough to be along for the ride; those who weren’t need to hear this.
Hammer is back, and is moving out of LA, finally, and back to the Republic of Texas. No idea if he’s discussed that with the roommate yet, though good money says he hasn’t. Shea couldn’t be more jealous of Hammer getting back to the Motherland, considering it snowed the other day in Chicago.
Los hombres get right into the NCAA Tournament, first going through the winners. For the official prizes throughout the tournament, visit the Shea in Irving webpage at sheainirving.com/ncaa-prizes. For the complete list of winners, go to sheainirving.com/ncaa-winners. Hammer talks about the bracket that he filled out, following Nate Silver, the political analyst who correctly picked every race correctly in the elections of 2008 and 2012, and that of course is doing the best by far. Shea advises everyone to go to the 538 webpage, www.fivethirtyeight.com, and check it out. He’s a guru.
The two get into a few of the games, specifically the Longhorns, and losing to the Mighty Michigan Wolverines. Not that anyone in the field could have beaten the Almighty Nik Stauskus that day, but they did give a valiant effort, at least for a few minutes in the second half.
Hammer talks about some of the basketball recruits that Texas is landing, though they all seem to be looking at Larry Brown and the SMU Mustangs. Shea doesn’t blame the kids, because SMU is full of rich kids and cocaine, its hard not to be interested. He also can’t wait for them to get busted again, though he’s hearing through the grapevine that SMU games are the thing to do on Friday nights in Dallas.
Shea saw someone wearing Google glasses at the gym today. Which is far fetched on its premise that Shea was at the gym, but he thinks it’s unfair that he’s allowed in the gym to take creepy pictures of girls on the treadmill.
Then we get to our favorite part of the show, the phone calls. First up is a caller inquiring about shaving below the belt. Shea talks about the functionality of shaving down there, for safety’s sake; but more importantly, he enlightens us with “scientific data” that shaving down below is 78% effective for preventing herpes.
It’s Burbank’s Birthday, and as he so eloquently puts it, he’s one day closer to dying – thank the Lord. The show opens by contrasting Burbank’s birthday celebration – hanging with his kids, to Shea’s St. Paddy’s Dayyyy. That was not a typo, Shea’s St. Paddy’s Day was actually a 4-day bender that involved various Irish Whiskeys and Guinness, but was shockingly absent any Olde English 800.
Shea covers the Cowboys, theorizing that Jerry Jones’ affinity for gingers is a result of being soulless himself; therefore he has no fear of them. Swiftly transitioning into the headline of the week, Burbank thinks that Jim Irsay needs to either get a driver, or shave his face. Shea makes a great point that Irsay has done a hell of a better job than Jerry Jones, and Jerry Jones doesn’t have any serious drug problems that we know of. The two discuss the implications of an owner violating the League’s Conduct Policy, and wind the conversation down with some discussion of the difference between a white player getting in trouble, and a black player.
Shea and Burbank get into some voicemails, revisiting the bowel movement discussion to lead things off. The second, and thankfully, the final call, cannot be done justice with the written word. Just be prepared to get your gear and shoot up a hot dose, because the show takes a sharp turn to the dark-side.
Finally, the boys get into the only thing that we all really care about, the NCAA Tournament. First and foremost, remember to get your brackets in for the Shea in Irving Charity Bracket Challenge. Prizes will be awarded to losers, and a small amount of the proceeds go to charity, so that’s a goddamn win-win. The two get into who they like in the tournament, and agree that they hate the ACC, except for Virginia.
The show winds down by talking about the latest developments in NFL free agency, and talk about some new things coming for the podcast.
Burbank is now officially on the tweeter…
He’s also got himself an email address…
Hammer rejoins the podcast, finally. Allegedly, he had a cold that crippled him like “a little bitch” for the past couple weeks. He comes back with a fury, enlightening us with Vietnamese torture techniques, specifically the glass rod in the urethra. Shea, on the other hand, is thankful that he would never get sufficient blood flow to smash the glass from a handy. Simply put, why would you have somebody else do something that you can do better yourself.
They begin the show by contemplating the disappearance of the Malaysian airliner, and wondering aloud how the hell this could happen. Shea concludes that one of two things could happen, and they’ve both been seen on the shows Lost or Scandal. The two trail off into a theory based on some obscure John Travolta movie, and attempt to find their way back to the meat of the story, but end up discussing space-time continuum and the 80’s masterpiece of television production, Silver Spoon.
Unfortunately, we dropped the ball on the t-shirts, due mostly to the laziness of The Jew in promotion. We’ll probably take a break for a while, but we’ll be back once we figure out what the hell you idiots want.
They make an easy transition from dropping the ball to the Cowboys offseason maneuvers thus far; and Hammer makes a great comparison of Jerry Jones to the United States Congress. As John Stewart put it, “if con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?” Hammer and Shea continue to ruminate about the rest of the free agent moves so far, and some predictions about the upcoming drag consistently finding their way back to the Cowboys.
Of course, the dynamic duo spend some time on voicemails, then take a turn back to the sports world and cover the tournament… specifically, Conference Tournaments. Never sticking to any predictable flow, they abruptly begin a good 15-minutes talking about True Detective. On a related note, they dive into a discussion of breasts, and spend some time talking about Matthew McConaughey, the Son of Texas… Alright, Alright, Alright.
Again, never to stray to far from Jerry Jones, they dive back into a discussion of what the Cowboys need in the draft, swing back to a discussion of breasts, dive into some commentary on Richie Incognito, and finish up with extremely random points of various levels of intrigue.
Shea is joined once again by his good friend Burbank, who enlightens us with the absurdity of the meteorological patterns in the Upper Midwest, which are as depressing as cancer. On the same note, Shea spent the day at the bar and the corner liquor store because the water was mysteriously turned off in his apartment building. On the other hand, Shea proves once again that, as long as you can still blackout for under $10, America is the greatest place on Earth.
Leading off the actual sports headlines is obviously Ian Kinsler, and his comments towards the Texas Rangers, including that he hopes the Rangers go 0-162 in their 2014 campaign. Going into much further detail than any of us care to hear about the trade, which Brogan refers to as a, “no Brainerd,” Shea redeems the segment by comparing Ian Kinsler to the girl that got dumped by the guy with the mustache and Camaro after stealing her virginity. The conversation actually turns into more of a generalized conversation about long-term vs. short-term goals of an organization.
Shea and Burbank desperately try to get past Ian Kinsler, they take a hard right turn into PED’s and UFC, revisiting a great segment Shea had with the Bulldog in The Conversation from February 7th. As the show nears it’s bottom, the duo ditch the car and start running, because here come the voicemails. In the first call, James out in Salt Lake City reminisces about his younger days, which at one point involved a spitter being hurled at hookers in Italy. Obviously reminding him of his younger days, when he lived inside the Polar Vortex with the rest of us, Shea shares some of the indiscretions he once enjoyed, none of which are socially acceptable, and all of which will make you think less of him.
In one of the better calls of the year, Shea is asked to guide us in the correct way to wipe an ass, whether it be sitting or standing, folding or wadding. Brogan leads off, describing what could be termed a quasi-sitting method. He actually leans the whole operation to the left side, giving him more access to the area and more clearance from the water below. Shea, on the other hand, wipes standing up… and he wipes furiously at that. And he never shits at home. If a dog doesn’t shit at home, why should he?
The two of them march towards the finish line with our favorite headline of the week, Richie Incognito. In a segment that cannot be missed, Shea talks about the “pass around bottom,” and what that means to Richie. Shea transitions out of Richie by pointing out that those who have back-door intercourse, are, by definition, tougher than the rest of us to enjoy that sensation.
Closing out the show, Shea and Burbank give a salute to someone who we at sheainirving.com think is a real American Hero, Johnny Weir. Johnny stood up too the hatred and oppression of gay people in Russia, and much of the world, by doing nothing but being himself. Fuck yeah, Johnny Weir. Now go get yourself a t-shirt.
Shea opens with a soliloquy on the his inability to pick baseball winners, which is why he added the second podcast, because the guests he has are real sharps, they’re honest, their transparent and all of you can learn something from them.
This week, Shea spends some time with @MLBdreampicks, a guy he’s known for a few years, and certainly hasn’t learned enough from him. As they are getting ready for the interview, Shea and Dreampicks are involved in some banter about Shea’s older brother, who makes Shea seem about as entertaining as a 40-hour work week. He’s the oldest of Shea’s three siblings, and obviously stole all the quality chromosomes and useful genes before the rest of the kids popped out. Maybe one day we’ll be able to catch Shea telling stories about his mother… a woman like no other, and makes all of our mom’s look lazy, and sane.
As they slowly, and I mean slowwwwly, get around to talk about betting baseball, or even general handicapping, they take us on a tour through Washington DC, and how bad it sucks, including Georgetown girls… most of whom who are a 4, but think they are an 8-9.
They finally ease into baseball, and Dreampicks talks about looking at splits, sample sizes, trends, etc. Dreampicks talks about his partner at www.thesportslifestyle.ca, Ryan – @xbaggypants, and about betting 1% of your bankroll… which Shea informed him was stupid and pointless.
Staying on topic is certainly not what either of these two do well, but they wiggle their way through Angelos, MASN, the Padres, the Orioles, the Rangers and the Prince Fielder/Ian Kinsler trade. MLBdream takes the Rangers pitching staff to the woodshed, much to Shea’s chagrin.
We take a turn back to our roots, discussing Ron Washington’s flavor for rock cocaine versus the powder form, before finishing up with a couple futures bets that @MLBdreampicks likes.
Hammer is back, and he isn’t feeling well, and he’s been on the road for the last 3-weeks. So unless you want to talk to him about 2-star recruits that Texas likes for next year or obscure HBO documentaries, he’s not your guy. He has no idea what happened in the Olympics, but then again, he doesn’t really care. Shea gets behind the wheel of the Johnny Weir bandwagon, and wonders aloud if he’s actually a spy.
The pair abruptly turn to Ron Washington, and Texas Rangers baseball, which leads us nicely into a quick discussion of Prince Fielder, and whether vegans can eat maple syrup. Shea proceeds to invite the rest of us to join him on Cloud 9, because DP is back from his Russian vacation. It’s clear though, that he’s not nearly as happy that Dan is back as he is that the ball boy is gone. Which conveniently leads us into a nice discussion on Floyd Mayweather and boxing, and how Chris Mannix was wrong on who Floyd was going to fight.