Shea is joined once again by his good friend Burbank, who enlightens us with the absurdity of the meteorological patterns in the Upper Midwest, which are as depressing as cancer. On the same note, Shea spent the day at the bar and the corner liquor store because the water was mysteriously turned off in his apartment building. On the other hand, Shea proves once again that, as long as you can still blackout for under $10, America is the greatest place on Earth.
Leading off the actual sports headlines is obviously Ian Kinsler, and his comments towards the Texas Rangers, including that he hopes the Rangers go 0-162 in their 2014 campaign. Going into much further detail than any of us care to hear about the trade, which Brogan refers to as a, “no Brainerd,” Shea redeems the segment by comparing Ian Kinsler to the girl that got dumped by the guy with the mustache and Camaro after stealing her virginity. The conversation actually turns into more of a generalized conversation about long-term vs. short-term goals of an organization.
Shea and Burbank desperately try to get past Ian Kinsler, they take a hard right turn into PED’s and UFC, revisiting a great segment Shea had with the Bulldog in The Conversation from February 7th. As the show nears it’s bottom, the duo ditch the car and start running, because here come the voicemails. In the first call, James out in Salt Lake City reminisces about his younger days, which at one point involved a spitter being hurled at hookers in Italy. Obviously reminding him of his younger days, when he lived inside the Polar Vortex with the rest of us, Shea shares some of the indiscretions he once enjoyed, none of which are socially acceptable, and all of which will make you think less of him.
In one of the better calls of the year, Shea is asked to guide us in the correct way to wipe an ass, whether it be sitting or standing, folding or wadding. Brogan leads off, describing what could be termed a quasi-sitting method. He actually leans the whole operation to the left side, giving him more access to the area and more clearance from the water below. Shea, on the other hand, wipes standing up… and he wipes furiously at that. And he never shits at home. If a dog doesn’t shit at home, why should he?
The two of them march towards the finish line with our favorite headline of the week, Richie Incognito. In a segment that cannot be missed, Shea talks about the “pass around bottom,” and what that means to Richie. Shea transitions out of Richie by pointing out that those who have back-door intercourse, are, by definition, tougher than the rest of us to enjoy that sensation.
Closing out the show, Shea and Burbank give a salute to someone who we at sheainirving.com think is a real American Hero, Johnny Weir. Johnny stood up too the hatred and oppression of gay people in Russia, and much of the world, by doing nothing but being himself. Fuck yeah, Johnny Weir. Now go get yourself a t-shirt.